Lockdown = over-eating

Somewhere in March 2020, here in Australia, things were locked down due to Covid 19.

This massive change triggered my over-eating obsession. Every day (lunch time), I would buy a large ammount of food, and gorge myself.

I first noticed the obsession with food around age 19. I was addicted to chocolate and would eat large ammouts each day. This also included other unhealthy foods as well as chocolate.

This problem was a three fold issue…

1. Addiction to drugs and alcohol.

2. Addiction to over-eating.

3. Sex and love addiction.

All three were out of control big time. They would also effect all aspects of my life.

I vividly remember me as a young child, being obsessed with sweets. If I heard a wrapper, I would come running to see if it was sweets. My family used to laugh at me because of my behavior.

So back to the lockdown….i felt like I had nothing to look forward to, and that’s when I turned to food.

I’ve put on about 1o to 15 kilograms!!!

My correct weight should be between 80 and 85 kilograms.

So I’m finally addressing the issue head on.

I fast between breakfast and diner, thus avoiding the huge meal at lunch time. This seems to be working, for now, so I will stick to it.

I’ve heard that other people are also putting on weight with the lockdown…which is very understandable. It’s a stressful time for all of us.

By writing this, I’m hoping that it will help with my commitment.

sedge808

plague = depression

Ever since they shut all the libraries and all the churches, I’ve been experiencing depression.

The libraries were my sanctuary, and church was my community.

The depression has gotten worse and worse since that time, somewhere in March 2020.

Now I’m finding it difficult to do anything, so I find myself sitting in the park with the birds and the flowers for hours…

I’ve reread Victor Frankel’s ‘man’s search for meaning’ twice…just to get a different perspective of this endless apathy and heaviness.

I cope better with anxiety than I do with depression. Somehow I can manage anxiety better….but with depression I lack the resources to deal with it. Cope with it.

In terms of the plague, Australia is doing really well in stopping the spread, but that information doesn’t help me while I’m depressed.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

Frankel’s ‘will to meaning’ is both the problem and the solution. I see no meaning in my suffering with heavy depression, but need to find meaning in my suffering.

He says, this is imperative!

Sometimes that can be, just to get through the day, hour or minute. It also means to do it with dignity and respect for myself and others. The ‘higher’ meaning includes God and a surrender to ‘what is’, and accept fully my situation.

The plague is constantly in the news, which doesn’t help. The Spanish flu in 1918 did not get reported like things are done today, so I’m sure people would have been less anxious and more accepting, as they didn’t have all the mass media bombarding them. One is overwhelmed by news in 2020.

sedge808