apathy

apathy
/ˈapəθi/
noun
  1. lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

I’ve been finding myself with very low motivation of late. Even taking photos has been very difficult to do…

…not only does one have to take photos…

…but then one has to process them…

…and then upload them…

…all too much effort!

this all could be a symptom of depression…

…and depression has been the ‘black dog’ that has been with me since I was 18.

I recently did three weeks of house-sitting. (Dog and a cat). The whole time I felt really bad, and very flat. I was expecting it to be a very pleasant time away from my home, and quality time with the animals. But my experience was the opposite. Very distressing.

Also I recently (last weekend) had a gastroenteritis problem, and ended up in the emergency ward of my local hospital…

Now this has me feeling very unsure about food, and eating food.

That was my second hospitalization, as about a month ago, I had a major panic attack, and ended up in an ambulance and then hospital. No good!

All i want to do is sit on my couch and drink red wine, eat corn chips, and watch TV shows.

It was only today when I needed to:

…buy some Christmas cards…

…write inside them…

…and then put addresses on them…

…and then post them…

I thought… maybe I’m depressed.

Viktor E. Frankl

I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good.

man's seach for meaning

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor Frankl

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

He says: Instead of constantly trying to avoid suffering, one is to embrace it. This takes away it’s power over us.
He says this about all our neurotic behaviour. Go towards it, and it will dissipate.
This make a lot of sense. I need to be brave, to do this.
His story and his book, are a huge inspiration for me.

sedge808

The Teflon President

Yesterday I was at church, (as per usual, on a Sunday).
The woman i was working with (morning tea) said: Donald Trump is the ‘Teflon president’, because he gets away with SO much stuff.

I would be very surprised if he gets Impeached…I just can’t see it happening…but I so love the title she gave him.

The Teflon President

Teflon 

Quote

The greatest poem ever known
Is one all poets have outgrown:
The poetry, innate, untold,
Of being only four years old.

Still young enough to be a part
Of Nature’s great impulsive heart,
Born comrade of bird, beast, and tree
And unselfconscious as the bee-

And yet with lovely reason skilled
Each day new paradise to build;
Elate explorer of each sense,
Without dismay, without pretense!

In your unstained transparent eyes
There is no conscience, no surprise:
Life’s queer conundrums you accept,
Your strange divinity still kept.

Being, that now absorbs you, all
Harmonious, unit, integral,
Will shred into perplexing bits,-
Oh, contradictions of the wits!

And Life, that sets all things in rhyme,
may make you poet, too, in time-
But there were days, O tender elf,
When you were Poetry itself!

– Christopher Morley

bee

how philosophy has helped me Grow

the big one is: there is no such thing as objective reality.

i.e. I was abused as a child, even though i had done nothing wrong.  So if there is  meaning, the only meaning can or could be is: I am a bad person. (I spent my entire childhood (and beyond) believing this).

In reality,  the abuse has no meaning.

These days i spend a lot of time reading all the existential  philosophers. These are really helpful because they help me re-contextualize my existence. Yes. I think I may be an existential nihilist.

…and pretty much all of the sages I follow, say similar stuff.

Eckhart Tolle: there is no good or bad. There is only ‘what is’.

A Course in Miracles: Lesson 1. Nothing I See Means Anything.

David Hawkins: The other person merely mirrors back what we are projecting onto them.

Friedrich Nietzsche: The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind.

i.e. I live next door to a ‘neighbor from hell’. His aggressive behavior ultimately has no meaning. If i did have meaning, it would mean that i am a victim. (I’m definitely not a victim).

Now. don’t freak out…we all need purpose and meaning in our lives…and the fact that we cannot not make meaning is truth of this.

Do I want to make meaning from abuse? Do i want to make meaning from my aggressive neighbor? NO.

Philosophy is a way out of old ideas we may have of ourselves, and helps us to re-think things trough.

Nothing exists; even if something exists, nothing can be known about it; and even if something can be known about it, knowledge about it can’t be communicated to others.

– Gorgias

sedge808.