lying is basically a form of neurosis

What is a neurosis?

Neurotic means you’re afflicted by neurosis, a word that has been in use since the 1700s to describe mental, emotional, or physical reactions that are drastic and irrational. At its root, a neurotic behavior is an automatic, unconscious effort to manage deep anxiety.

1. Revealing the facts.
2. Honestly experiencing feelings and thoughts. 
3. Demythologizing yourself.

say my name

How many intelligent couples, that I’ve befriended have the thing of calling each other ‘babe’.

The ‘cringe’ factor is overwhelming +++

But when I look back to my last relationship, (of three years), I was never called by my name, and it really got to me in the end. I got so angry and pissed off.

I was mostly called ‘guy’ or ‘sexy guy’.

The list is long: Hon, love, lovey, pet, sweety, baby, babe, sweet pea, petal, honey…etc.

The actual reason I was not being called by my name was…they did it because I was someone in there head, idealised, not the real me.

But when I see intelligent couples calling each other ‘babe’ I freak out.

My best friend, who has been married for many years, call each other by name only. This is healthy communication. Real & honest.

Quote

Quote

Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated

Truth is the handmaiden of love

Dialogue is the pathway to truth

Humility is recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn

To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small

So speech must be untrammeled

So that dialogue can take place

So that we can all humbly learn

So that truth can serve love

So that suffering can be ameliorated

So that we can all stumble forward to the Kingdom of God.

– Jordan B. Peterson

untrammelled/ʌnˈtram(ə)ld/Learn to pronounceadjectiveadjective: untrammeled

  1. not deprived of freedom of action or expression; not restricted or hampered.”a mind untrammelled by convention”

Lockdown = over-eating

Somewhere in March 2020, here in Australia, things were locked down due to Covid 19.

This massive change triggered my over-eating obsession. Every day (lunch time), I would buy a large ammount of food, and gorge myself.

I first noticed the obsession with food around age 19. I was addicted to chocolate and would eat large ammouts each day. This also included other unhealthy foods as well as chocolate.

This problem was a three fold issue…

1. Addiction to drugs and alcohol.

2. Addiction to over-eating.

3. Sex and love addiction.

All three were out of control big time. They would also effect all aspects of my life.

I vividly remember me as a young child, being obsessed with sweets. If I heard a wrapper, I would come running to see if it was sweets. My family used to laugh at me because of my behavior.

So back to the lockdown….i felt like I had nothing to look forward to, and that’s when I turned to food.

I’ve put on about 1o to 15 kilograms!!!

My correct weight should be between 80 and 85 kilograms.

So I’m finally addressing the issue head on.

I fast between breakfast and diner, thus avoiding the huge meal at lunch time. This seems to be working, for now, so I will stick to it.

I’ve heard that other people are also putting on weight with the lockdown…which is very understandable. It’s a stressful time for all of us.

By writing this, I’m hoping that it will help with my commitment.

sedge808

plague = depression

Ever since they shut all the libraries and all the churches, I’ve been experiencing depression.

The libraries were my sanctuary, and church was my community.

The depression has gotten worse and worse since that time, somewhere in March 2020.

Now I’m finding it difficult to do anything, so I find myself sitting in the park with the birds and the flowers for hours…

I’ve reread Victor Frankel’s ‘man’s search for meaning’ twice…just to get a different perspective of this endless apathy and heaviness.

I cope better with anxiety than I do with depression. Somehow I can manage anxiety better….but with depression I lack the resources to deal with it. Cope with it.

In terms of the plague, Australia is doing really well in stopping the spread, but that information doesn’t help me while I’m depressed.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche.

Frankel’s ‘will to meaning’ is both the problem and the solution. I see no meaning in my suffering with heavy depression, but need to find meaning in my suffering.

He says, this is imperative!

Sometimes that can be, just to get through the day, hour or minute. It also means to do it with dignity and respect for myself and others. The ‘higher’ meaning includes God and a surrender to ‘what is’, and accept fully my situation.

The plague is constantly in the news, which doesn’t help. The Spanish flu in 1918 did not get reported like things are done today, so I’m sure people would have been less anxious and more accepting, as they didn’t have all the mass media bombarding them. One is overwhelmed by news in 2020.

sedge808

Quote

Lies

Like Hitler, the president used the word lies to mean statements of fact not to his liking, and presented journalism as a campaign against himself. The president was on friendlier terms with the internet, his source for erroneous information that he passed on to millions of people.

– Timothy Snyder

apathy

apathy
/ˈapəθi/
noun
  1. lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

I’ve been finding myself with very low motivation of late. Even taking photos has been very difficult to do…

…not only does one have to take photos…

…but then one has to process them…

…and then upload them…

…all too much effort!

this all could be a symptom of depression…

…and depression has been the ‘black dog’ that has been with me since I was 18.

I recently did three weeks of house-sitting. (Dog and a cat). The whole time I felt really bad, and very flat. I was expecting it to be a very pleasant time away from my home, and quality time with the animals. But my experience was the opposite. Very distressing.

Also I recently (last weekend) had a gastroenteritis problem, and ended up in the emergency ward of my local hospital…

Now this has me feeling very unsure about food, and eating food.

That was my second hospitalization, as about a month ago, I had a major panic attack, and ended up in an ambulance and then hospital. No good!

All i want to do is sit on my couch and drink red wine, eat corn chips, and watch TV shows.

It was only today when I needed to:

…buy some Christmas cards…

…write inside them…

…and then put addresses on them…

…and then post them…

I thought… maybe I’m depressed.

Viktor E. Frankl

I have finally gotten a copy of ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’, as an ‘audio book’, and finished reading it today. I will be reading it again and again, as it’s so good.

man's seach for meaning

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.”
― Viktor Frankl

“The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.”
― Viktor E. Frankl

He says: Instead of constantly trying to avoid suffering, one is to embrace it. This takes away it’s power over us.
He says this about all our neurotic behaviour. Go towards it, and it will dissipate.
This make a lot of sense. I need to be brave, to do this.
His story and his book, are a huge inspiration for me.

sedge808