sedge808

Bullies and me

Throughout my life I’ve attracted bullies. My first experience was my father and then also my sisters. My mother didn’t bully me but she never ever stood up for me to prevent it happening. Then in school the bullying and teasing started and it just got worse and worse. Then the towns people started to bully me (I lived in a small town).

I ran away from home at age 16 but the bullying never really stopped, it just kept coming up in my life.

I’m now 60 years old and I’m still attracting bullies in my life, but now I have violent thoughts about the people who pick on me. I call this spiralling (down) or doom spiralling.

This behaviour (thinking) is truly horrendous as it takes me to a very dark emotional place.

People will see me from the other side of the room, train, road, library etc. and will say or do something to bully me.

I also get staff in shops treating me badly. It’s the same behaviour just in a shop environment. I’ve had people ignore me or even argue with me about stuff. Unfortunately, this happens to me a lot more than other people.

I get it: I look like a pussy, a victim, an easy tease…

In reality I’ve have a surprisingly violent past, but that doesn’t stop them.

I’ve had people stalk me because I have the victim vibe.

I’ve been a victim of crime over a three and a half years. The police kept saying to me: “You know you are allowed to defend yourself”. What I couldn’t tell them was; if I did defend myself I’d end up in jail.

The reason I’m blogging this is I’ve had four incidents of bullying in the last two weeks. G

food and sleep

I’ve some good some not so good news.

I’m doing really well in terms of living (currently) in a peaceful abode. But have been eating like I’m on death row. I have had an eating disorder since I was 17, so have had problems with ‘over-eating’ throughout my life. I’ve probably put on about 10 kilograms recently (the last two months). Yes. Very scary. So, I’ve bought a treadmill and are using it every day.

The other thing is I’m sleeping 12 hours a day almost every day. This is NOT good. I’m not depressed but am over-sleeping which is not good for me at all.

Still not sure how to tackle my over-sleep issue. If I set an alarm, it may trigger anxiety. So, I will need to try different things to see what works best. BTW: I’m not a morning person. G.

Quote

Quote

Lies are sweet in the beginning and Bitter in the end…

…and the Truth is Bitter in the beginning and Sweet in the end.

I recently saw a YouTube video on Gaslighting, and they said that telling lies was a form of gaslighting. This really caught my attention because I was lied to a lot as a child (but also as an adult), by my family.

If I remember these events, I feel very very angry, so need to be careful with what I think about and what I replay in my head.

For me I find this behavior VERY aggressive, particularly when it is done by a family member because it was done to me over and over and over.

The other one that triggers me a lot is passive aggressive behavior. There is someone I know who does this to perfection.

Yesterday I asked if we could make a time to catch up. She said: “if I’m awake, I will answer the call. If I’m asleep, I won’t answer.

She said nothing about what I actually asked for, which was a convenient time to catch up.

Funny enough I know this person really well and understand where the behavior comes from, so I understand why she does this.

What ends up happening is I end up blocking this person, so I don’t end up getting really angry, over and over.

I’m actually a very intelligent man……but because of my psychiatric disability I’m very isolated. Gavin.

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12 Passive Aggressive Tactics Covert Narcissists Love to Use

#1. General lifestyle non-cooperation.

#2. Expressing a desire to help, yet becoming sidetracked.

#3. Responding to confrontations with perplexion.

#4. Telling you what to do via questions.

#5. Playing the role of the victim.

#6. Running a smear campaign behind your back.

#7. Paying you a compliment while also complaining.

#8. Not including you in activities.

#9. Brazenly ignoring you, then feigning innocence.

#10. Holding onto a moral high ground, but passing judgment.

#11. The classic silent treatment.

#12. Appearing willing to please, yet holding grudges.