my father had a very bad case of Dupuytren’s contracture, which made his hands painful and curled.
interestingly I have developed the same condition on my right hand.
Dupuytren disease is genetic. It runs in families.
it is also known as Viking’s disease.
As the disease progresses, affected individuals may experience difficulty extending their fingers fully. This can make it challenging to perform everyday tasks such as gripping objects, typing, or buttoning clothes.
anyway, my father had it, and I’ve got it. It’s only going to get worse… so that’s life.
I finally saw this film yesterday. I had been waiting four months to see it because I live in Australia.
If you were to see this film without knowing anything about it, you may miss many things in the film because the film is not a Hollywood film. It is much more like a documentary.
Because I had to wait, I already knew a lot about this film, so I didn’t miss any of the information (scenes). My friend who was with me missed several key clues that were in the film. I’m sure this has happened to a lot of people.
I did so much research it wasn’t funny. I watched over thirty reviews and over ten interviews with the director Jonathan Glazer.
I believe that due to the amount of time that has passed since the second world war, more films and documentaries can now be made from the German point of view. I’ve actually been waiting for this change since the year 2000, when I became very interested in history. There is a plethora of films and documentaries made from the Allies point of view. In reality there are always two sides to every conflict.
I will be seeing this film again. I cried a lot during it, which I was expecting.
1. Take a multivitamin, because you need these as your vitamin levels will go down very quickly.
2. Take a laxative. You don’t want poop sitting in your intestines for days and days. This can be very toxic.
3. You need salt. If you don’t have salt everyday you will feel very unwell. Electrolytes in drinks are OK, as long as there is no sugar in them. Apple cider vinegar is also healthy. A small amount in water or as a supplement.
4. Drink plenty of fluids. This will make you feel full.
When you start eating again, avoid overeating. Particularly sugary foods and carbohydrates. Eat small amounts or you will feel unwell.
I learnt the hard way. Now days we have YouTube to show us the way, but in the late 80s I used to fast with nothing but water. I would often hallucinate and feel so week I couldn’t get off the ground/floor.
I’ve been wanting to make a Ted Talk about my experience of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but there is way too much information that needs to be conveyed for it to be a Ted Talk. So I wrote this instead.
Posttraumatic stress disorder is described as a disabling psychiatric disorder that results from being exposed to real or threatened injury, death, and/or sexual assault. It is associated with functional and cognitive impairment.
I have the ‘C’-PTSD variety, which means Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I often tell people that: I’ve been in more than one plane crash, and that helps people understand what it means.
The long version of Complex PTSD for me is:
Childhood sexual abuse (Chronic for three years, age 6 to 9).
Family violence, shaming and mental/emotional abuse (16 years).
I was beaten and raped when I was 19 years old.
I experienced being a victim of crime for three and a half years. (Included assault, my home being set on fire three times, and many other instances of being a victim of crime).
I experienced 8 and a half years of aggression and anger from a neighbour, which resulted in suicidal state.
Of course everyone who has PTSD experiences it differently. So I’m going to focus on the similarities.
Nightmares
I remember having nightmares from about age four. They were abstract, consisting of vibrant colours, and were very disturbing. Later in early childhood the nightmares got worse and included night-terrors as well. When I do get nightmares today, they are extremely disturbing and I will often lash out with kicking and punching.
Night-terrors
A night-terror is when you wake up from a nightmare, but you are still in the nightmare. Half in reality and half in the nightmare. One can experience both auditory and/or visual hallucinations. Night terrors are mostly associated with children, but adults with PTSD can experience them too. Sleep disturbances are also a thing for PTSD sufferers (difficulty falling or staying asleep, restless sleep) are common.
Hypervigilance
One of the common symptoms of PTSD is hypervigilance. This is constantly checking people, places and things that may be potentially a source of danger. I know many people with social-anxiety, but they don’t exhibit signs of hypervigilance. Seems to be a PTSD thing.
Over the years I’ learnt to ‘tone-down’ my hypervigilance by stopping checking faces in public. This has been very helpful because it reduces anxiety. Any reduction of hypervigilance produces a reduction in anxiety, if you can achieve it.
Flashbacks
Flashbacks are a common symptom of PTSD. They can make you feel as though you’re going through the trauma, or some aspects of it, all over again. Flashbacks are often triggered by anything that reminds you of the traumatic event.
I’ve not had a lot of these, but I did get them when I was younger. I tend to think soldiers are more likely to get them.
Dissociation
Detachment from oneself from reality. This is a BIG issue for PTSD sufferers because when we experience trauma we often dissociate from our bodies. Over time the dissociation can build up over time. This severely reduces one’s ability to access recourses later in life (when we need them). So because of all the dissociation I did… when I’m in a stressful situation I’m unable to access my recourses or my resilience. I usually freeze, unable to respond. Dissociation is a normal response to trauma, but it can really effect a person’s ability to function.
Guilt and Toxic Shame
When a child is not loved, or abused, it has to believe there is something wrong with them, not the care-giver has something wrong with them. This produces a feeling toxic shame. i.e. ‘I am worthless’. Unfortunately I was also heavily shamed by my family, as a child, so I was double-shame filled.
Occupational – Difficulty holding down a job
The anxiety of needing to fit in… To be a good employee… To do the right thing… To be the best at your job was all consuming and would end in needing to resign.
CPT – Cognitive Processing Therapy
CPT is a specific type of cognitive behavioural therapy that helps patients learn how to modify and challenge unhelpful beliefs related to the trauma. I did this in my late 40s and was very helpful.
Social difficulties
As I said, I don’t get social anxiety, but I do have attachment problems. The people who I used to be close to, in the past, are no longer a source of connection for me. They will often get miffed that I no longer want to talk to them. This also happens with Ex partners too.
Avoidance behaviours
The big one that is associated with PTSD is alcohol, but there are many other behaviours that PTSD people fall into. Lust and sex was one of my biggest avoidance behaviour. The people I feared became a source of lust. The more I feared them the more I lusted after them. It was my coping mechanism for anxiety and fear. I’ve also indulged in drugs and alcohol.
Irritable or aggressive outbursts with little or no provocation
This one is the thing I get asked more than any other question. Yep. If you push me, I can get extremely angry and will also get very violent. I was once pushed into a fight with another kid at school. I lost control of myself which scared me.
Reckless or self-destructive behaviour
When growing up my best friend was extremely reckless. He even wanted me to cut him with a knife. Putting myself in dangerous situations was something I would do. Most of the behaviour came from a place of self-loathing.
Exaggerated startle response
Loud noises, children squealing, ambulances, firetrucks, thunder and car horns are all very startling for me. I will need to put my fingers in my ears to prevent the startle response.
Problems in concentration
At school I had little to no concentration. I was very disruptive with teachers. I’m much better at concentration these days.
Strong emotions
Emotions are mostly overwhelming for me. Particularly anger. So I need to keep an eye on things at all times.
In summery…
I’ve done a hell of a lot of work on myself. Therapy-therapy-therapy, and many courses on everything from NLP to just about anything you can think of. It all helps, and was needed to get me to where I am today.
You really have to fight for your mental health if you want to be OK. Yes. I do have good days. About one a month. On those days I can talk to anyone with complete ease. It’s like I have no PTSD. I am free. But most days are a challenge.
Humour is one of the things I enjoy these days. Humour is a sign that you have acceptance within yourself.
Noir 