re-blogged

other people’s posts

Don’t be an emotional reaction – be a person

This quote is one that has helped me throughout my life.

I didn’t have a good education, and I my family life was full on alcoholism, aggression (domestic violence), denial (lots of lies) and a lack of love and care for us kids.

My father was an emotional reaction – not a person. He would get very angry at the drop on a hat.

This had us all very fearful of him…and I was never really able to really feel safe.

Keep your intense reactions for the bigger issues of life
(which day-to-day living does not provide)

It wasn’t until 2003 when I got sober from sex drugs and alcohol that I started to really learn stuff and work on my emotional intelligence and also my interest in thigs other than sex drugs and rock and roll.

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When we constantly react to things, the habit becomes a habit.

The more we react the more we will feel the emotional sharpness.

DO YOU ABUSE YOUR EMOTIONAL SYSTEM?

• over-reacting in a wholesale fashion;

• living by misplaced importance;

• devaluing your emotional currency;

• destroying your inner peace;

• making life unreasonably hard for those close to you;

• alienating friendship.

I did this with anger. So the slightest upset, my anger would kick in hard and I would feel it sharply. Took me years to get out of this habit, as it had been in place since I was a child.

I currently have a neighbor that reacts to my TV when I have my front door open. The more he unconsciously reacts by slamming his door, the more he feels the emotion. By doing the slamming the emotion is reenforced, and more the sharp feelings are felt (Rinse and Repeat).

It’s a bit like being stuck on a hamster wheel.

Awareness is the key to making changes for a better life.

Gavin.

touch wood

Hi All.

Doing well at the moment hence the ‘touch wood’ thing because I hope I don’t jinx it.

All the other sayings like: ‘be careful what you wish for’ and all that stuff has meaning because when things get better old habits can return and some of those things and behaviors can be not so good.

I’m a FULL-BLOWN addict. I’ve had addiction behaviors since I was about seven years old, and they just got worse and worse as I got older. What I notice is that when things are going bad my addiction stuff is suppressed. All the negative energy overrides the addictions.

It’s only been about three weeks since things have improved but my thinking has recently changed, so much so that some of my addictive stuff has returned. Nothing serious, but enough to really notice the change.

One of the many things that has been so good is…I’ve gotten so much done at home. Some stuff I’d been putting off for four years. So, my home is looking amazing. Still more to do, but I’m so grateful all that I’ve achieved in the last three weeks. G.

What about you? Is change something you are wherry of?

Five rules of life

Rule #1: What You Refuse to Face Will Control You

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung

Rule #2: Your Persona Is Not Your Self

Jung warned about the danger of the persona—the mask you wear to be acceptable.

Your job title.

Your reputation.

Your “put-together” identity.

Rule #3: Meaning Is More Important Than Happiness

This rule offends modern self-help.

Rule #4: You Must Integrate Your Shadow—or It Will Sabotage You

The Shadow is the part of you you disown:

  • jealousy
  • selfishness
  • aggression
  • ambition
  • vulnerability

Rule #5: Individuation Is Lonely—but Non-Negotiable

Individuation—the process of becoming who you actually are—is Jung’s central idea.

Carl Jung’s Five Rules of Life

Video

Empowering Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

if you get the time this is a very good video about males who are sexually abused as children.

for me it was very confusing because I didn’t know what was happening to me. The effect has been lifechanging for the bad. There was also a lot of shame (because I was male) that it happened to me, so I ended up hating myself. Therapy has helped. Also hearing from other men about their experiences has also helped. Gavin.

fantasy as a way of self-soothing

Fantasy was my main coping device for living in a dysfunctional family. Spiderman was one fantasy I had and would spend hours a day being Spiderman, climbing all over the veranda, making sure I wouldn’t touch the ground. Once I was sexually abused from age 6 to 9, I started to fantasy about having sex or be in sexual relationships with others. By the time I hit age 20 I was completely addicted to sexual fantasy and relationship fantasy.

I do have a relatively ‘normal’ fantasy where I have lots of money and a beautiful house and life. The only problem is that I’m still self-soothing with fantasy, instead of connecting with real people.

Gavin.

A fresh look at sexuality

This YouTube video is really informative and interesting about male and female sexuality.

I was particularly interested about female sexuality and how it is so different to males.

women’s ques are internal, and men’s are external. No surprise there…

The desire of the man is for the woman.

The desire of the woman is for the desire of the man.

Version 1.0.0

Men’s top 4 body parts they look up (when looking at porn) are…

  1. Brests
  2. Buttocks
  3. Feet
  4. Penis (large penis)

People who live in their bodies

I lived in my body for the first 33 years of my life.

I then had a massive breakdown and no longer lived in my body after that. Alcohol consumption also had a big role to play in me not living in my body anymore.

There are many benefits to living in your body.

  • You will mostly not be  overweight or underweight
  • You will mostly be fitter than the average person
  • You will live longer than the average person
  • You will likely be sexually active
  • You will feel things

The main downsides to living in your body will be

  • You will be potentially prone to OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • You will get annoyed quickly
  • You may have difficulty with anger
  • Pain in the body may also be an issue
  • You may be a generally obsessive person about many things.

As a child I loved living in and body. I would jump and spin. Climb and swing from tree to tree. I was a master in gymnastics and I was obsessed with sex. As an adult my career was a body career. I was a fitness instructor and a dance teacher. I loved exercise so much, I would do it every day, and often overdo it in terms of exercise.

The other side of this is people living in their heads.

Benefits are:

  • Often highly intelligent
  • Clever
  • Enjoy reading
  • Like to argue 

The downside:

  • You will be prone to rumination
  • You may overthink things
  • You may be overweight or underweight
  • You may daydream a lot

Ultimately one’s goal is to live in the present moment.