This quote is one that has helped me throughout my life.
I didn’t have a good education, and I my family life was full on alcoholism, aggression (domestic violence), denial (lots of lies) and a lack of love and care for us kids.
My father was an emotional reaction – not a person. He would get very angry at the drop on a hat.
This had us all very fearful of him…and I was never really able to really feel safe.
Keep your intense reactions for the bigger issues of life (which day-to-day living does not provide)
It wasn’t until 2003 when I got sober from sex drugs and alcohol that I started to really learn stuff and work on my emotional intelligence and also my interest in thigs other than sex drugs and rock and roll.
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When we constantly react to things, the habit becomes a habit.
The more we react the more we will feel the emotional sharpness.
DO YOU ABUSE YOUR EMOTIONAL SYSTEM?
• over-reacting in a wholesale fashion;
• living by misplaced importance;
• devaluing your emotional currency;
• destroying your inner peace;
• making life unreasonably hard for those close to you;
• alienating friendship.
I did this with anger. So the slightest upset, my anger would kick in hard and I would feel it sharply. Took me years to get out of this habit, as it had been in place since I was a child.
I currently have a neighbor that reacts to my TV when I have my front door open. The more he unconsciously reacts by slamming his door, the more he feels the emotion. By doing the slamming the emotion is reenforced, and more the sharp feelings are felt (Rinse and Repeat).
It’s a bit like being stuck on a hamster wheel.
Awareness is the key to making changes for a better life.
Doing well at the moment hence the ‘touch wood’ thing because I hope I don’t jinx it.
All the other sayings like: ‘be careful what you wish for’ and all that stuff has meaning because when things get better old habits can return and some of those things and behaviors can be not so good.
I’m a FULL-BLOWN addict. I’ve had addiction behaviors since I was about seven years old, and they just got worse and worse as I got older. What I notice is that when things are going bad my addiction stuff is suppressed. All the negative energy overrides the addictions.
It’s only been about three weeks since things have improved but my thinking has recently changed, so much so that some of my addictive stuff has returned. Nothing serious, but enough to really notice the change.
One of the many things that has been so good is…I’ve gotten so much done at home. Some stuff I’d been putting off for four years. So, my home is looking amazing. Still more to do, but I’m so grateful all that I’ve achieved in the last three weeks. G.
What about you? Is change something you are wherry of?
if you get the time this is a very good video about males who are sexually abused as children.
for me it was very confusing because I didn’t know what was happening to me. The effect has been lifechanging for the bad. There was also a lot of shame (because I was male) that it happened to me, so I ended up hating myself. Therapy has helped. Also hearing from other men about their experiences has also helped. Gavin.
Fantasy was my main coping device for living in a dysfunctional family. Spiderman was one fantasy I had and would spend hours a day being Spiderman, climbing all over the veranda, making sure I wouldn’t touch the ground. Once I was sexually abused from age 6 to 9, I started to fantasy about having sex or be in sexual relationships with others. By the time I hit age 20 I was completely addicted to sexual fantasy and relationship fantasy.
I do have a relatively ‘normal’ fantasy where I have lots of money and a beautiful house and life. The only problem is that I’m still self-soothing with fantasy, instead of connecting with real people.
Noir 