Melinda’s 15th anniversary
words
I’m sugar free
For me the best thing I’ve done for myself is to be off sugar.
I lived on sugar as a child. Cordial drinks after school. Sweet homemade biscuits. Dinner was always followed by dessert, and in the evening, we had sweets and chocolates. This was every day!
Then as an adult, chocolate was one of the three food groups. Red wine, Coffee and Chocolate. I would buy it in bulk. Seven 250-gram blocks at a time. I would often eat two of these a day. That’s 500 grams of chocolate !!!
I’m now 58 and I’m overweight. So being sugar free is the key to feeling really good. It’s like being a different person!
When I eat sugar, I feel sluggish, bloated and fuzzy in the head. Sugar gives me a false sense of peace, just like alcohol does. Being sugar free takes courage but very much worth it 100%
Gavin.
five traumas
trauma
noun1.
a deeply distressing or disturbing
experience.”
a personal trauma like the death of a child”
2.MEDICINEphysical injury.”rupture of the diaphragm caused by blunt trauma”
1.Childhood sexual abuse. 6 to 9.
2. Domestic violence. First 16 years.
3. Being bashed and raped. Age 19.
4. Being relentlessly stalked. 2007 to 2010. Three and a half years.
5. Neighbour from hell. 2013 to 2022. Eight and a half years.
As you can see if you add up all the years of trauma, there is a vast chunk of my life spent in trauma and abuse.
The cost has mostly been on my mental health.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Depression and more recently Bipolar 2.
At the moment my biggest issues are isolation. Lack of exercise and a need to regulate my diet. Getting there slowly. I have stopped drinking altogether which is excellent…and it also saves me a lot of money. Nightmares are a constant issue, but I’ve been having them since I was four, so used to dealing with them.
Grow has helped me a lot over the years.
Whatever the level of disorder or other limitations in my life,
my existing situation can be constantly improved by good
habits of thinking and acting and cooperation with help.
Gavin.
my father’s hand
my father had a very bad case of Dupuytren’s contracture, which made his hands painful and curled.
interestingly I have developed the same condition on my right hand.
Dupuytren disease is genetic. It runs in families.
it is also known as Viking’s disease.
As the disease progresses, affected individuals may experience difficulty extending their fingers fully. This can make it challenging to perform everyday tasks such as gripping objects, typing, or buttoning clothes.
anyway, my father had it, and I’ve got it. It’s only going to get worse… so that’s life.
my favorite Simpsons quote
“The ventriloquist goes to heaven,
but the dummy doesn’t.”…
Open Affection Between Men was Normal in the 1940s: Why Did Things Change?
As you make your way through the photos below, many of you will undoubtedly feel a keen sense of surprise — some of you may even recoil a bit as you think, “Holy smokes! That’s so gay!”
The poses, facial expressions, and body language of the men below will strike the modern viewer as very gay indeed. But it is crucial to understand that you cannot view these photographs through the prism of our modern culture and current conception of homosexuality. The term “homosexuality” was in fact not coined until 1869, and before that time, the strict dichotomy between “gay” and “straight” did not yet exist. Attraction to, and sexual activity with other men was thought of as something you did, not something you were. It was a behavior — accepted by some cultures and considered sinful by others.
But at the turn of the 20th century, the idea of homosexuality shifted from a practice to a lifestyle and an identity. You did not have temptations towards a certain sin, you were a homosexual person. Thinking of men as either “homosexual” or “heterosexual” became common. And this new category of identity was at the same time pathologized — decried by psychiatrists as a mental illness, by ministers as a perversion, and by politicians as something to be legislated against. As this new conception of homosexuality as a stigmatized and onerous identifier took root in American culture, men began to be much more careful to not send messages to other men, and to women, that they were gay. And this is the reason why, it is theorized, men have become less comfortable with showing affection towards each other over the last century. At the same time, it also may explain why in countries with a more conservative, religious culture, such as in Africa or the Middle East, where men do engage in homosexual acts, but still consider homosexuality the “crime that cannot be spoken,” it remains common for men to be affectionate with one another and comfortable with things like holding hands as they walk.
Whether the men below were gay in the way our current culture understands that idea, or in the way that they themselves understood it, is unknowable. What we do know is that the men would not have thought their poses and body language had anything at all to do with that question. What you see in the photographs was common, not rare; the photos are not about sexuality, but intimacy.
These photos showcase an evolution in the way men relate to one another — and the way in which certain forms and expressions of male intimacy have disappeared over the last century.
It has been said that a picture tells a thousand words, so while I have provided a little commentary below, I invite you to interpret the photos yourselves, and to ask and discuss questions such as: “Who were these men?” “What was the nature of their relationships?” “Why has male intimacy decreased and what are the repercussions for the emotional lives of men today?”
From the Civil War through the 1920’s, it was very common for male friends to visit a photographer’s studio together to have a portrait done as a memento of their love and loyalty. Photographers would offer various backgrounds and props the men could choose from to use in the picture. Sometimes the men would act out scenes; sometimes they’d simply sit side-by-side; sometimes they’d sit on each other’s laps or hold hands. The men’s very comfortable and familiar poses and body language might make the men look like gay lovers to the modern eye — and they could very well have been — but that was not the message they were sending at the time. The photographer’s studio would have been at the center of town, well-known by everyone, and one’s neighbors would having been sitting in the waiting room just a few feet away. Because homosexuality, even if thought of as a practice rather than an identity, was not something publicly expressed, these men were not knowingly outing themselves in these shots; their poses were common, and simply reflected the intimacy and intensity of male friendships at the time — none of these photos would have caused their contemporaries to bat an eye.
Life asks you…
Life asks you the meaning of life; you don’t ask life. You are questioned by life. It’s not what you expect from life, but what life expects from you.
1. “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
2. “It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life daily and hourly…Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.”
Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which you can aspire.
3. The truth—that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire…The salvation of man is through love and in love.
4. Love goes very far beyond the physical person…It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self.
Self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.
5. “‘The self-transcendence of human existence’…being human always points, and is directed, to something, or someone, other than oneself—be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself—by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love—the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself…self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.”
Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue as a side-effect of a reason to be happy.
6. “Don’t aim at success—the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run—in the long run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.”
7. “Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to ‘be happy.’ Once the reason is found, however, one becomes happy automatically. As we see, a human being is not one in pursuit of happiness but rather in search of a reason to become happy, last but not least, through actualizing the potential meaning inherent and dormant in a given situation.”
The meaning of life is unique to each moment; no situation repeats itself.
8. “For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.”
9. “These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. ‘Life’ does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man’s destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action. At other times it is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way. Sometimes man may be required simply to accept fate, to bear his cross. Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand.”
10. “Thus far we have shown that the meaning of life always changes, but that it never ceases to be. According to logotherapy, we can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by creating a work or doing a deed; (2) by experiencing something or encountering someone; and (3) by the attitude we take toward unavoidable suffering.”
The meaning of life is unique to each individual; no one can be replaced.
11. “Man’s search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a ‘secondary rationalization’ of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning.”
12. “One should not search for an abstract meaning of life. Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life to carry out a concrete assignment which demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”
13. “This uniqueness and singleness which distinguishes each individual and gives a meaning to his existence has a bearing on creative work as much as it does on human love. When the impossibility of replacing a person is realized, it allows the responsibility which a man has for his existence and its continuance to appear in all its magnitude. A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the ‘why’ for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any ‘how.’”
Human beings are self-determining; meaning is your responsibility to actualize.
14. “A human being is not one thing among others; things determine each other, but man is ultimately self-determining. What he becomes—within the limits of endowment and environment—he has made out of himself…Man has both potentialities within himself; which one is actualized depends on decisions but not on conditions.”
15. “Man is not fully conditioned and determined but rather determines himself whether he gives in to conditions or stands up to them. In other words, man is ultimately self-determining. Man does not simply exist but always decides what his existence will be, what he will become in the next moment. By the same token, every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.”
16. “This emphasis on responsibleness is reflected in the categorical imperative of logotherapy, which is: ‘Live as if you were living already for the second time and as if you had acted the first time as wrongly as you are about to act now!’ It seems to me that there is nothing which would stimulate a man’s sense of responsibleness more than this maxim, which invites him to imagine first that the present is past and, second, that the past may yet be changed and amended. Such a precept confronts him with life’s finiteness as well as the finality of what he makes out of both his life and himself.”
17. “Freedom, however, is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast.”
18. “What then is man? Thus we ask the question again. He is a being that always decides what it is. A being that has within it at one and the same time the possibility of sinking to the level of an animal or of soaring to a life of near-holiness. Man is that being which invented the gas chambers; but he is at the same time that being which walked with head held high into these very same gas chambers, the Lord’s Prayer or the Jewish prayer for the dead on his lips.”
No matter the circumstance, you always have the last of the human freedoms: to choose your attitude.
19. “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
20. “To be sure, a human being is a finite thing, and his freedom is restricted. It is not freedom from conditions, but it is freedom to take a stand toward the conditions.”
Tension, striving, and struggling for a worthwhile goal are positive; trying to close the gap between what one is and what one should become.
21. “Thus it can be seen that mental health is based on a certain degree of tension, the tension between what one has already achieved and what one still ought to accomplish, or the gap between what one is and what one should become. Such a tension is inherent in the human being and therefore is indispensable to mental well-being. We should not, then, be hesitant about challenging man with a potential meaning for him to fulfill. It is only thus that we evoke his will to meaning from its state of latency. I consider it a dangerous misconception of mental hygiene to assume that what man needs in the first place is equilibrium or, as it is called in biology, ‘homeostasis,’ i.e., a tensionless state. What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely chosen task. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him. What man needs is not homeostasis but what I call ‘noö-dynamics,’ i.e., the existential dynamics in a polar field of tension where one pole is represented by a meaning that is to be fulfilled and the other pole by the man who has to fulfill it.”
Life never ceases to have meaning; even suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning.
22. “Human life, under any circumstances, never ceases to have a meaning, and that this infinite meaning of life includes suffering and dying, privation and death.”
23. “In some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
24. “When a man finds that it is his destiny to suffer, he will have to accept his suffering as his task; his single and unique task. He will have to acknowledge the fact that even in suffering he is unique and alone in the universe. No one can relieve him of his suffering or suffer in his place. His unique opportunity lies in the way in which he bears his burden.”
25. “One may only demand heroism of one person, and that person is oneself.”
I will be your father figure
I grew up with a father that didn’t want any kind of relationship with me.
The only thing he did to me was physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse me.
So I got my father energy from television instead.
Father one was Porter Ricks in Flipper.
Father two was Ed Devereaux in Skippy.
Father Three was Lee Majors in the six million dollar man.
Father Four was Gil Gerard in Buck Rogers.
Father Five was Robert Reed in The Brady Bunch.
Although I was a huge fan of Star Trek, I did not see Captain Kirk as a Father figure.
my favorite will always be Matt Hammond in Skippy. He was both very strict, and loving.
After these shows the father figures dried up completely. very odd.
Why This Species is 94% Gay
Quote
The feeling of hunger is a crime.
– unknown
This quote was from a TV program about obesity. The doctor that was being interviewed was slim, and very good looking.
He was talking about heart disease and obesity….when he suddenly said: it’s like feeling hungry is like a crime.
He was talking about the people he was treating for morbid obesity….and how these people treat hunger as if it was a crime…and to feel hungry had to be quickly treated with eating food.
Noir 