words

Summertime Love

Summer is my favorite time of the year. It’s time for shorts, flipflops and singlets.

The majority of people who live here don’t like Summer because it can get very hot here. But I would prefer that to Winter any day.

Flip-flops

I suffer from hyperhidrosis so I’m constantly wet all year round. So Summer is very nice because I’m wet but not cold.

Winter I’m retracted and in Summer I’m relaxed. G

Video

Empowering Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse

if you get the time this is a very good video about males who are sexually abused as children.

for me it was very confusing because I didn’t know what was happening to me. The effect has been lifechanging for the bad. There was also a lot of shame (because I was male) that it happened to me, so I ended up hating myself. Therapy has helped. Also hearing from other men about their experiences has also helped. Gavin.

set in stone (part two)

I first time I realized I had something set in stone was when I was in my early twenties and I was a vegetarian.

There is nothing wrong with being vegetarian. For some people it’s a healthy choice and lifestyle.

But for me it was an Identity, not a lifestyle choice, so I had an investment in BEING vegetarian.

What happened was: I went to a vegetarian restaurant/cafe with a good friend. We loved going to this place as the food was delicious. Somewhere during the meal, we were chatting about rice, and my friend said: “rice is a vegetable”.

Suddenly I found myself feeling VERY offended. The feelings were overwhelming, and I was SO angry and so upset by a small comment: “well rice is a vegetable”.

I will never forget that day. I didn’t say anything to my friend because I knew I was in the wrong, and what he had said was innocent.

Fast forward to 2025 and I do my very best not to have things set in stone, so that people cannot upset me.

the three major things that come to mind when thinking about this issue are…

  • politics: if your politics and your identity is caught together, you will be offended if someone thinks or feels different to you.
  • religion: If what you believe in and who you are R caught together you may get offended if someone believes something different to you.
  • sex: because sexuality is something so close to us, we can find ourselves easily offended.

I have a friend who has a long list of things that are set in stone for him.

  • Vaccines cause brain injury
  • Donald Trump
  • Extreme Right Wing
  • Climate change is a hoax
  • Google is evil
  • DMSO
  • Red light therapy
  • RFK ….and I’m sure there is more.

I respect each one of those choices, but for him he believes he has to actively defend those beliefs…and will do so with anger and aggression.

The only thing set in stone for me is God, but it’s not connected to organized religion, so there is nothing anyone can say about God that will upset me.

Everything else is as it is. I have no investment in anything or concept or practice or philosophical beliefs. I am free. G

sayings and origins

One-Trick Pony

noun

a person or thing with only one special feature, talent, or area of expertise.

Some word experts say the idiom “one-trick pony” comes from the circus. A circus pony that can only do one trick is not going to entertain a crowd for very long. The term “one-trick pony” appeared around the turn of the twentieth century. Within about fifty years, the term had become an idiom.

Away with the Pixies

informal•British English

(see also: away with the fairies)

distracted, in a dreamworld, or out of touch with reality.

“you seem away with the pixies, are you listening?”

Pixies are: playfully impish or mischievous, prankish. 

pixie mood; a pixie sense of humor.

The origin of the phrase “away with the pixies” is unclear, but it relates to the folklore of pixies, which dates back to Celtic Britain and is particularly prominent in Southwest England. The idiom, used to describe someone mentally absent or flighty, suggests a connection to fairies taking or captivating people’s minds in folklore. While the phrase isn’t directly from a single source, it draws on the folk belief that pixies were mischievous entities capable of robbing people of their wits, as seen in stories and folklore. 

Enen a trained Monkey can do that

We need to be careful that we don’t offend the monkey community while explaining this one.

To all monkeys past and present, we honour you.

It would be phrased as such largely because the person doing it wouldn’t require much intelligence nor oversight – and likely the connotation that the person would also be paid peanuts. Not literally, of course.

All of this imagery is made to offend deliberately, and to derogate those who take these types of jobs.

avoidance – what we know now

I’ve met many people with anxiety (Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder) and it’s a very real issue facing people today.

But if you want to make your anxiety worse: go out of your way to avoid it. ‘Avoidance behaviors’ have the ability to amplify your problem, no matter what it is.

I know this because I have PTSD and anyone with PTSD knows that we have an elaborate list of ways we avoid stuff. The list is long. Here are just a few…

  • excessive sleeping
  • alcohol/drugs
  • binge watching TV shows and movies
  • obsessive cleaning
  • overeating

What happens when we do our avoidance stuff, we actually re-enforce the anxiety.

Each time you do the avoidance behavior the anxiety says:

YES! confirmed!

Thank you.

Now I will bring on more anxiety…

…and the cycle just repeats and repeats, sometimes for years or even decades.

The way out of the cycle is to go toward the anxiety (only if it is safe to do so). Going toward the thing you fear is the best way to take away its energy. When this becomes your healthy habit things change significantly.

The opposite of an error is usually the opposite error. – (The Grow Program).

I really wish that someone had told me these lessons. I’m sure life you have been a lot better for me.

Resilient people know that suffering is part of life. Trying to avoid suffering only makes suffering worse. Accept it and move forward, instead of going backwards avoiding all the stuff you find unpleasant.

Gavin.

Quote

there are no perfect victims

This quote is very important to me because of my history of being a victim as both a child and an adult.

For a vast amount of time, I saw myself as a perfect victim. Not just innocent but very special because of what happened to me. This specialness meant that I was not responsible for anything that happened to me.

The reality:

  • Anyone can be a victim of sexual abuse.
  • Anyone can perpetrate sexual abuse.
  • The only person responsible for the abuse is the perpetrator.
  • We are all accountable for proactive prevention and how we respond to victims and perpetrators.
  • There is no ‘right way’ to heal or a ‘correct’ response to experiencing sexual abuse.
  • Every survivor and circumstance is unique.‍

Coming out of denial was rather painful because I had to see myself as I really was. Flawed and imperfect.

I see this in online catfish incidents that end up on Netflix. Some of these people see themselves as perfect victims, when in reality they also play a part in the role. Sometimes a big part in that role.

One of the biggest lessons I had to learn in my life was: If I’m over 18 I am responsible for myself and how I feel. All of it.

It sounds a lot easier than it is in reality. G.

We are hard wired to see the bad in our lives

Last night I was desperately trying to focus on anything other than the bad experience I had earlier in the day. I could change focus for a short while then back to the bad.

The reason we are hard wired, is so we could survive the tiger waiting in the bushes, ready to attack and eat us.

We are hard wired to SEE the tiger, so we can escape it. This is VERY important. Without it we would be tiger breakfast.

Residential people are able to choose what they focus thier attention on.

Eventually I was able to shift my focus, but I took a while.

Gavin.