proud

adjective

Body

My body is part of me, but not all of me.

I suppose I would loosely say: I’m body, mind and spirit.

I include spirit because I feel that for me, spirit a big part of the puzzle of being human.

I’m overweight, and my doctor says I’m ‘obese’ because my BMI (Body Mass Index) is over 30.

Am I proud to be obese? No. Because I don’t equate my body with my identity.

But then maybe, I’m supposed to be proud of being obese(?) I’ve seen TV programs where very large women saying that they are ‘big and proud’.

It ‘seems’ that almost every ‘minority’ or ‘persecuted community’s’ response, is to become proud of being in that community.

I can’t really see any harm in doing that, but is that really necessary?

Sexuality

We have recently had ‘Pride Month’, which is a very positive thing for the LGBTIQ community and for all persons learning about inclusiveness.

I do not equate sexuality with identity, and I also do not equate sexuality with pride.

‘Desire, behaviour and identity are distinct, and they do not always overlap. Someone who is celibate may also have strong sexual desires or even a particular sexual identity; someone may identify as heterosexual but have homosexual experiences; most people will have sexual desires that are not necessarily acted out in practice.’

– Professor Dennis Altman.

…so I don’t understand when people say they are proud to be Gay etc.

I do understand when someone says: “I’m no longer feeling shameful about my sexuality”. Or “I no longer carry all the negative and hateful things that people have said to me about my sexuality”.

We do not choose to whom or what we are sexually attracted to. Even if someone is attracted to children, they don’t choose that for themselves. Sexuality is neither wrong or right it just is. It’s our behaviour that dictates whether something is wrong or right.

I’ve never heard Jeffery Epstein say that he was proud that he was attracted to children. (Remember its behaviour not sexual orientation that’s the issue). Apparently there are plenty of people out there who are attracted to children (men and women) who have never harmed a child.

Sexuality is a significant and a very important part of being human, but it’s not all that I am.

Being an older person my libido is almost non-existent, so sexuality is no longer that important to me. Whereas, when I was young, 20 to 33 years, sexuality was very significant, but I was never proud of it.

I like the way we talk about mental illness these days i.e. I have bipolar disorder, or I’m having a depressive episode. I have alcoholism…

…I am unhappy, becomes there is some unhappiness within me.

So what are examples of being proud?

I’m so proud of the way I brought up my children to respect other people.

I’m really proud of my willingness to get fit and lose weight.

I’m so proud of my garden, and all the years of work I put into it to make it flourish.

I’m proud of myself for all the work I’ve done on letting go of resentment and hatred towards my abuser.

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[i] The term ‘LGBTI’ confuses desire, behaviour and identity — and it’s time we rethink it