five traumas

trauma

noun1.

a deeply distressing or disturbing 

experience.”

a personal trauma like the death of a child”

2.MEDICINEphysical injury.”rupture of the diaphragm caused by blunt trauma”

1.Childhood sexual abuse. 6 to 9.
2. Domestic violence. First 16 years.
3. Being bashed and raped. Age 19.
4. Being relentlessly stalked. 2007 to 2010. Three and a half years.
5. Neighbour from hell. 2013 to 2022. Eight and a half years.

    As you can see if you add up all the years of trauma, there is a vast chunk of my life spent in trauma and abuse.

    The cost has mostly been on my mental health.

    Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Depression and more recently Bipolar 2.

    At the moment my biggest issues are isolation. Lack of exercise and a need to regulate my diet. Getting there slowly. I have stopped drinking altogether which is excellent…and it also saves me a lot of money. Nightmares are a constant issue, but I’ve been having them since I was four, so used to dealing with them.

    Grow has helped me a lot over the years.

    Whatever the level of disorder or other limitations in my life,
    my existing situation can be constantly improved by good
    habits of thinking and acting and cooperation with help.

    Gavin.

    Beef Netflix

    Beef is a Netflix TV show about how unregulated emotions can have devastating consequences on our lives and other people’s lives.

    I really love this TV show. Both funny and poignant.

    Danny is returning three hibachi grills and a carbon monoxide detector for the third time.

    He originally bought them to kill himself, but for gets the receipt.

    I’ve had SO many issues with anger throughout my life. When I was a child, I specifically wasn’t allowed to express anger (only my father was allowed to do that). Because of this, anger became an emotion that was always BIGGER than it should be. If I felt a small amount of anger, it would quickly turn into rage. This has had a very detrimental effect on my life.

    This TV show really shows how unregulated emotions can both rule our lives and do real harm to other people and our own families.

    Gavin.

    Baby Reindeer (2024)

    I watched Baby Reindeer last night on Netflix. Absolutely brilliant.

    If you have ever been stalked by someone this series is a must see.

    The other story going on in this series is a story about grooming and rape. Another reason to see this TV series if this has happened to you.

    The other thing that came up for me with this show was: I’ve made the mistake of being friends with the first person to say I like you, let’s be friends. Even though I see red flags from the start, I actively ignore the red flags just so I can have friend. These always end in disaster because I go against my gut feelings and ignore the danger signs. I will never do this again, even if it means being isolated.

    Gavin.

    movies

    These films are chosen because I like them, but also like the poster/cover as well. Winter Light by Ingmar Bergman is a film that everyone should see because it has so much silence in it. Bergman’s films are similar to Béla Tarr’s films in that there is so much empty space in them, which make you feel the opposite to the films they make these days. Robert Bresson’s films are truly wonderful. You should see at lest one of his films before you die. Bette Davis is so amazing in her early films. Have you seen Of Human Bondage? It will have you quoting the film for the rest of your life.

    What is your favorite film of all time?

    my father’s hand

    my father had a very bad case of Dupuytren’s contracture, which made his hands painful and curled.

    interestingly I have developed the same condition on my right hand.

    Dupuytren disease is genetic. It runs in families.

    it is also known as Viking’s disease.

    As the disease progresses, affected individuals may experience difficulty extending their fingers fully. This can make it challenging to perform everyday tasks such as gripping objects, typing, or buttoning clothes.

    anyway, my father had it, and I’ve got it. It’s only going to get worse… so that’s life.

    Dupuytren’s contracture