I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 17. This was the time I left home for good. It consists of ‘binge eating‘ or ‘compulsive overeating‘.
There have only been two periods in my life when my BMI Body Mass Index has been healthy.
- When I was on a strict macrobiotic diet for a year.
- When I was a fitness instructor, in my mid twenties.
The rest of the time I’ve been overweight.
I’ve had periods of bulimia in my twenties (binging and then purging with laxatives). These periods have been very extreme and unhealthy. The stress that laxatives put on the heart are intense.
So when I say: ‘food is not my friend‘, I mean, that if I eat anything, the eating disorder takes over and I want to continue eating and eating and eating…
I’ve had literally hundreds of meals of potato chips, followed by chocolate…and hundreds of meals of blue-vein cheese and rice crackers.
I would buy two packets of ‘sour cream and chives‘ rice crackers and 500gms of blue-vein cheese and eat them throughout the night. Very scary!
Sometimes this went go on for months!
I did go to O.A. Overeaters Anonymous for a while, but it was mostly women.
I also cannot see food as an addiction, (12 steps) in that ‘I am powerless over food’.
If I don’t eat I die.
I’ve had the hormone tests. Low in Leptin and high Ghrelin. This qualifies as an illness, so that’s why I call it an eating disorder, and not an addiction. It is also hereditary, as my mother also has it.
I still struggle with food today, but I no longer purge. Thankfully.